Friday, November 9, 2012
Coffee and Rebellion
I consider myself an early riser. I’ve always been the person up at the crack of dawn ready to rock (just ask my mother she’d confirm this detail). I am also like this naturally. I don’t drink coffee because the results are somewhat akin to the whole Jekyll/Hyde conundrum but instead of an evil conscious free beast I turn into someone as completely annoying as Jar Jar Binks from the more recently produced Star Wars series. In fact at one point my husband asked what I would like, while we were waiting in the infamous Tim-Horton’s drive-thru line up, and I responded that “I think I’m going to try a coffee today.” My husband gave me a look of exasperation and said (to which I’m not kidding) “I’d rather see you drink 10 shots of tequila than a cup of Timmies Coffee!” Therefore my choice of caffeinated morning drinks is generally a mild tea.
Tea is actually a new development in my choice of morning beverage. It’s just been since the birth of my son that I really started to notice a dependence on my cup of tea in the morning to get me through. I also blame it ON the birth of my children that I am turning to chemical substances to give me that perk that has always come to me so effortlessly. Don’t get me wrong I’d probably still be the type of person to go to bed early and rise early if left to my natural habitat but I’ve also noticed that I’ve got this underlying personality trait I never realized I had, rebellion.
On top of being an early riser I’m also a goody-goody. Through my teenage years I kept myself out of trouble because of this one concern my mom planted in my brain during my pre-teen childhood stage. She told me that she hated all teenagers because they were all assholes. I asked her if she was going to hate me as well, she said “Yeah you’re probably going to be an asshole too.” Well I’m such a people pleaser that this particular line stuck with me and I always swore to myself that I would NOT become a teenage asshole and I didn’t. I participated in very limited of the teenage experimentations and was often forced into skipping a day or two of school by my very own mother (I think even she thought I needed to try to act out on more of those turbulent teenage hormones). It wasn’t until I had my kids did this latent rebellious gene rear its ugly head.
My kids have always been fantastic sleepers. I think that’s why they survived everything else. I have several friends who have kids that don’t sleep very well but during the day their kids seem like normal human beings. I got the flip side. My kids sleep well at night but during the day they act as they are aliens on a mission to destroy all that we know. However, as of recent my daughter has started to wake up at the crack of dawn and pull out all weapons in her artillery to ensure that the neighborhood has woken up with her. This normally would suit me just fine except for this unknown characteristic that’s been emerging.
I am coming to the conclusion that there are three reasons for the lack of pep in my step:
One, this is the first time in my life I find myself without a goal. I am currently unemployed for the first time since I was 14. I am not immersed in my employment, planning a wedding, anticipating the birth of a baby, working on the renovations of a house, attempting to buy or sell property, packing or prepping for a move across the country, aiding with the care of a sick loved one or getting geared up to execute a giant family reunion (aka the past 10 years of my life). I am currently organized, scratched out the bulk of my to-do list and I’m not surrounded by an entire community of people who have kept my life occupied and busy. I want to stop here though and point out that I’m not complaining about this. It’s just the fact that lack of a major goal looming on the horizon is a foreign concept to me and so I’m not sure how to react.
Second, I think I might be burnt out and just catching up from all the items listed above.
Thirdly, having the same routine for 10 years straight. Even though my life seems to have slowed down exponentially I still participate in the usual kids routines. People say that I’m probably feeling so busy and overwhelmed by the two kids but I’m not so sure if that’s exactly the reason. I think it might have more to do with the employment I’ve served in the past 10 years. I worked with mentally disabled adults, and while extremely rewarding and having given me an unprecedented knowledge of life skills, it basically involved me following the exact same routine as I follow now as a parent. I think it’s lost the luster eons ago.
Lastly it’s this underlying rebellion emerging. I don’t want to. I don’t want to get up when the kids want me to. This morning is a prime example. I was actually lying in bed awake for near half an hour before my daughter emerged from her bedroom and came to wake me up. I instantly shut my eyes, put down the book I was reading and pretended I was sleeping. I fought with her for nearly 30 minutes basically begging her to let me just lay there for a little while longer. I mean what was my problem? It’s not like I wasn’t already awake. I finally dragged myself up and out of bed when child number two made an appearance screaming for “NOKE” (that’s how he says milk) and if he doesn’t get it first thing in the morning he will continue to scream “PLEEEEEASE NOKE!” indefinitely. I went into the kitchen, poured the kids their morning elixir and immediately went to my Tassimo machine. I sat in front of it staring blankly trying to decide whether I should stick with my regular tea or go for a coffee to jolt some life back into my brain. I know this sounds ridiculous because it’s not like I wasn’t already awake but something about the kids forcing me out of bed makes my brain put on the breaks and pretend it’s really tired.
This is how the conversation in my head usually goes when faced with this dilemma:
Rational Side: “I should make myself a tea.”
Jar Jar Binks Side: “I don't know. Mesa day startin pretty okee-day with a brisky morning coffay, then BOOM!!”
Rational Side: “I wonder if there is a chance I’ll see anyone I know today. They could possibly cease to allow me to hang out ever again if they witness me on coffee. I should stick with the tea.”
Jar Jar Binks Side: “Whatsa wrong with yousa? Hava coffay!”
Rational Side: “Do you remember what happened last time you had a coffee?”
Jar Jar Binks Side: “My forgotten, da Familia will do terrible tings to me. TERRRRRIBLE is me going back der!”
Rational Side: “So a tea it is again, sigh.”
Jar Jar Binks Side: “This is nutsen.”
Rational Side: “Oh shut-up Jar Jar Binks.”
Jar Jar Binks Side: “How wude!
You'll be glad to know I picked the tea again.